Friday, May 08, 2009

Isn't Life Supposed to Be Meaningful? page 1 of 2

Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life

This is what he was hearing from his little speaker attached to his phone. He wonders why this song, which is not his taste of music, played out of the blue. He's soaked in the bath tub as he was thinking how to finish his own life. He's been dying to commit suicide but he lacks the courage to do so.

As he faintly hears the song from his little speaker, which he also use in his bedroom when he wants to fall asleep and FM stations play mellow music, he feels something from deep inside him. The feeling relates to the song but he tried to ignore it. He always enjoyed relaxing as he does his evening baths but this time, his purpose is different as he just stay soaked in the tub to imagine how it would be to die there. "Maybe I'll rip my wrist deep enough and voilĂ  I'm dead!" he thinks like crazy.

In fact, not only this thought of ripping his wrist came into his mind. He was also thinking of loosening the screw connecting the gas tank to the main gas lines from the city to his apartment. "I'd open it just right for a little gas to escapee, then I'd lock myself here and I'd wake up facing Saint Peter," he was actually amused by this thought.

What is the reason of this all? Why he, the bright and talented and successful person trying to end his life?

"That biatch! I trusted her with all my life and now she's fuc_ing with that idiot right under my nose! How dare they do this to me! And I... I... I am so coward to do any vengeance against them! I am a coward and I can't even manage my own death! This life sucks! I just wanna die"

That was Abelard. He's trying to kill himself. Her ex-girlfriend is Yvonne. It was a great love story between the two of them, full of romance for three full years until the relationship became sour. For what reason everything fell out of place he doesn't know. All he know is, he was happy with her and he hates the fact that she betrayed him. How he caught her betrayal? He doesn't want to remember.

Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I've been through

The chorus played again. Now he's paying attention as he hears it. And now he listens deeply to it. He searched in his heart what this song is all about. Nothing. He tried his brain. Empty. He knows that the song connects onto something but in his confused mode he could not easily fathom what the song connects to.

He added more hot water in his tub unconsciously. He added the bath cream and tried to relax. He forgot everything about his suicide plans. He just wanted a few moment of peace for now and a little relaxation. He closed his eyes deeply.


Developerholic said...

I am not fond of listening sad stories because I could easily be attached to them and cry :(

Great narration~


bluedreamer27 said...

thanks for sharing this to us my friend so touchy

L. Venkata Subramaniam said...

"been dying to commit suicide!"

I like your style of writing.

WebbieLady said...

Oh sad, don't cry! ^^ Thanks for passing by and sharing your insights.

Thanks Blue.

@L. Venkata,
I like that line too. ^^

Struggling Parents said...

I love your site, very inspiring...thanks for visiting my blog..;)

tashabud said...

Hi WebbieLady,
Just dropped by to congratulate you on winning at Woof.

Great Job.


WebbieLady said...


Thanks for passing by. I have seen some of your many sites too. Amazing! How do you mange all of 'em?

Hopefully you can comeback soon. I have seen your good bye note in your blog. :( But good luck with the novel you're working onto.

Thanks for congratulating me.