Isn't Life Supposed to Be Meaningful? page 1 of 2

Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life

This is what he was hearing from his little speaker attached to his phone. He wonders why this song, which is not his taste of music, played out of the blue. He's soaked in the bath tub as he was thinking how to finish his own life. He's been dying to commit suicide but he lacks the courage to do so.


As he faintly hears the song from his little speaker, which he also use in his bedroom when he wants to fall asleep and FM stations play mellow music, he feels something from deep inside him. The feeling relates to the song but he tried to ignore it. He always enjoyed relaxing as he does his evening baths but this time, his purpose is different as he just stay soaked in the tub to imagine how it would be to die there. "Maybe I'll rip my wrist deep enough and voilà I'm dead!" he thinks like crazy.

In fact, not only this thought of ripping his wrist came into his mind. He was also thinking of loosening the screw connecting the gas tank to the main gas lines from the city to his apartment. "I'd open it just right for a little gas to escapee, then I'd lock myself here and I'd wake up facing Saint Peter," he was actually amused by this thought.

What is the reason of this all? Why he, the bright and talented and successful person trying to end his life?

"That biatch! I trusted her with all my life and now she's fuc_ing with that idiot right under my nose! How dare they do this to me! And I... I... I am so coward to do any vengeance against them! I am a coward and I can't even manage my own death! This life sucks! I just wanna die"

That was Abelard. He's trying to kill himself. Her ex-girlfriend is Yvonne. It was a great love story between the two of them, full of romance for three full years until the relationship became sour. For what reason everything fell out of place he doesn't know. All he know is, he was happy with her and he hates the fact that she betrayed him. How he caught her betrayal? He doesn't want to remember.

Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I've been through

The chorus played again. Now he's paying attention as he hears it. And now he listens deeply to it. He searched in his heart what this song is all about. Nothing. He tried his brain. Empty. He knows that the song connects onto something but in his confused mode he could not easily fathom what the song connects to.

He added more hot water in his tub unconsciously. He added the bath cream and tried to relax. He forgot everything about his suicide plans. He just wanted a few moment of peace for now and a little relaxation. He closed his eyes deeply.

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Isn't Life Supposed To Be Meaningful? page 2 of 2

Abelard woke up feeling cold. No more heat in the water he's soaked into. He got up and out of the bath tub and dried himself and took his phone and the little speaker to his bedroom. When he looked at his bedside table clock, it was already 1 o'clock and three minutes. Midnight has passed an hour ago. He fell asleep in the tub for about two and a half hours.

He put on his pajama and went under the sheets. Although it's spring already, he could still feel cold in the night so the bed cover remains thick but the heater is okay to be switched off. He went to bed thinking about the song. Now he has all the time to think about it. After an hour of deciphering the connection to the song he remembered what the song was, and why it was telling him a certain feeling.

Two weeks later Abelard was invited to deliver a speech to teens who attempted to extinguish their own lives. He told the whole story about his own suicide plans and the meaning of the song.

Her name was Strawberry but we gladly call her Berry. She's among the brightest in our batch in high school and she even managed to be second to me for a certain school year. I maintained the first honors in all my high school years. She was healthy by then and was the romantic type, not violent, not sporty. A simple yet very sweet girl. She's a friend to many but a casual friend to me at first. Later on, we went to date and she became my girlfriend. However, we both decided to put everything to normality, kind of "cool off" until we get our respective degrees. We made this agreement for our very own future.

University life came and we were all busy with our respective studies. Berry and I, we started to lose communication but I still think of her when there's space in my mind. Studying Accountancy and for the upcoming CPA examinations when I graduate really made me very occupied.

One day we all received the news that she died. She died of a complex sickness. She was in hospital for quite some time but we never had any news about it. We were only able to see her in her wake. That caused a lot of pain to me but since our communication was a little loose than when we were in high school, the pain was lesser than I expected. I did not even shed tear and when I met Yvonne, I forgot everything about Berry.

While we were in Berry's wake, it was like a reunion with all high school friends and acquaintances. The sister and the mother told us the story. While many of her family and friends gather at her wake, a background music was playing.... it's the song I heard that night... We asked the mother and the sister why the same music is playing in Berry's wake all the time and it's played over and over.

"Berry, while waiting her last moments, was having a smile in her face", said the mother. "She was never afraid of death and was even comforting us not to worry about her, and as her very final moments she sang the song.. until she finally lost her breath...", added the sister.

Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life

When I realized the connection, I changed my mind about dying. Berry, enjoyed and appreciated her life 'till the last second of it. I am still feeling the pain Yvonne dug in my heart but I will be eventually all right. Life is a game and it's great to play wise with it. It will only be meaningful if we try instill meaning to it.

To be honest, I am not religious nor a believer in some kind of spirit but Berry's courage and that song inspire me and remind me to be alive. Little it may seem, what we had together had made me survive and be here in front of you at this very moment. Indeed, here I am, alive and kicking. I believe now that I am more courageous than I think I was. I chose to take life's path 'till the end. I must face life and conquer happiness. That's the true courage.

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