Tzabilita's Frustrations

Who can blame me? From childhood, as far as I can remember, I was deeply in-love. Yes, deeply in-love with food. I love to eat. I love to munch! I love to have always something wet and filling my mouth. Who’s to blame? I am sure I am not the only one at fault here. I mean, I could’ve controlled my appetite only if those television commercials were not so convincing….or if my parents warned me that being fat is not a beautiful thing, especially when I’d grow into adult… or if the friends I grew with were not fat. Yes, I was also with fat friends all the while so it was very normal to have extra bulges around from when I was a child.

At 38 years old, I can say that I have never lost any weight. I was always I constant increase until now that I am at least 130 kilograms! It’s so difficult. It is such a big burden to flex and sweat. Only to think about it, I feel tired even before I could start!

Is it wrong to be fat? Maybe yes, or maybe not. Yes, it is wrong as I am already nearing 40 and still single, available and never been kissed, never been touched. But on the other hand, it signifies freedom as I am alone and I can go anywhere I want without having to consider anything. But you know what? This freedom is so painful! If you can only imagine what I feel in the middle of the night…. The loneliness… the emptiness.. How I wish I was never this fat.

I still don’t consider it my fault though. Since I was a child, my parents had already emphasized the importance of food, the beauty and pleasure of eating and all of us, my two brothers and I, we all grew fat. “Fat kids from fat parents”, that’s what our neighbors used to tell us when we were only little ones. We did not understand by then that it was already half insult.

When I started working, I tried hard to lost this weight that’s with me ever since but it was so difficult. It is sad to be fat and I regret or hate so many things that are connected to my being fat:

1. My parents: how could they permit being so fat and passing those flabby figures to all us, their children?
2. Myself: I could have been more disciplined when I was a child and tried to limit my food intake to not grow as fat as I am at the moment.
3. My two brothers: If they were good enough in losing weight, we could’ve helped each other in losing weight.
4. My friends: If they’re not as fat as me, they could have motivated me;
5. The food industry: they always convince me to try their new products;
6. The world: They look negatively at fat people!

The whole human race is brain-washed on how to treat their fellow human beings. Why should they look so bad at fat people? This I don’t really understand. But someday, I will have my vengeance against the whole world for being so cruel to us fatter people! Watch out, mean world of slims and thins! I’ll show you!

WOOF Contest – Top Picks

WOOF Contest – Top Picks

Poetry

Dragon Blogger – “Paid Passion” - Random Twitter Poem containing 15 submissions is about exactly what the title says.

Roy – “A bird, a cage, and me...” – Sometimes, too much love is not enough... it is too much... it suffocates.

Roy – “Walk on Water” - A poem about faith... about reaching for a dream...

Fiction

Zorlone – “Archeological Find” - Lyle discovered more than what he expected from an Archeological find.

Brought to you by PlotDog Press with the Serial Suspense Screenplay "Intervention"

(WOOF participants should re-post all the links above by next Monday. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Presenting the finest of the writer’s blogs by the bloggers who write them. Highlighting the top posts as chosen by the September 25, 2009 WOOF Contest participants. Want in to join the next WOOF? The next contest ends October 2. Submit a link to your best writing post of the last 3 weeks using the form on this page. Participants, repost the winning link list within a week and you’re all set.

WOOF Contest – Top Picks, August 7

Poetry

Zorlone – “Three hours” - A poem about getting stuck in traffic on a rainy night.

Jena Isle – “You” - A blog - to truly exist - needs other blogs to survive. You is a poem dedicated to those who believed in my blog.

Dragon Blogger – “Twisted Creatures” - Rhyming child like poem about the insects of the night.

Jennifer M Scott – “Aurora of the Damned” - A surreal poem on life.

Fiction

Dragon Blogger – “Kendrick's Story” - A fantasy short story I wrote last week, my first one ever submitted to WOOF.

Presenting the finest of the writer’s blogs by the bloggers who write them. Highlighting the top posts as chosen by the August 7, 2009 WOOF Contest participants. Want in to join the next WOOF? The next contest ends Aug 14. Submit a link to your best writing post of the last 3 weeks using the form on this page. Participants, repost the winning link list within a week and you’re all set.

WOOF Contest – Top Picks, July 10

Poetry

Dragon Blogger – “Late Afternoon Nightmare” - A poem about trying to catch an afternoon nap which only ends in a nightmare.

Roy – “unpoetic” - Senseless lines... or are they?

Zorlone – “Blank page” - "Such a true prose, the "process" is as you describe. The blank page a canvas for thoughts and inspiration, ready to pour out from within." Eric S.

Zorlone – “Just another bus commute” - "...That chance may never come again..but then... I'm sure somewhere down the road, you'll finally meet your princess." - JenaIsle

Fiction / Prose / Memoir

Roy – “The Short Story Blogger” - A blogger... his life... his stories...

WOOF Contest – Top Picks, July 3

Prose / Fiction

Jennifer M Scott – “Dreaming of Eve” – This story is for mature audiences for strong language. sexual situations and violence just wanted to forewarn you. a woman is haunted by her former boyfriend.

H. Benjamin Petrie – “Is this Love?” - A stream-of-consciousness piece aiming to combine a Raymond Carver-style relationship story with James Joyce-style internal monologuing.

Webbielady – “Blue Moon” - At last!

Poetry

Dragon Blogger – “Who Will Make Coffee” - Funny and humorous poem about a volunteer brewing a pot of coffee.

Zorlone – “Untamed beauty” - One cannot claim full knowledge behind a woman's smile. "Looks like the girl is full of mystery..." - Snow


Free Spirit – “Armageddon” - When earth is too filthy to live in...

WOOF Contest – Top Picks, June 19

About Writing
Izzy Daniels – “Improving Your Writing Through Article Elements: How to Make a Good Title” - This is the 1st entry in my series about improving more of the elements in your post. In this post I cover the impotance of a title and you can change it to get more readers.

Poetry

Dragon Blogger – “Death of Beauty” - A dark poem artistically rendering a woman’s murder.

Zorlone – “Creature of the Night” - "...this has excitement, darkness and a touch of sensual longing..." - jodapoet

Fiction

Webbielady – “A Poor Boy's Memoir” - He was born poor but he had fun. See how this young son worked his way to childhood enjoyment despite his situation....

Memoir

Jennifer M Scott – “Twister” - A short remembrance of a tornado I saw when I was a kid.

Brought to you by PlotDog Press with the Serial Suspense Screenplay "Intervention"

WOOF Contest – Top Picks, June 12

About Poetry and Writing

Jena Isle – “Poets and Poems” - Are poets defined by their poems?

Poetry

Dragon Blogger – “Chance Encounter” - Random word poem about falling in love with a girl who works at a register.

Zorlone – “War Cry” - "To me this is like a tale of the redirection of energy. From one source to another, energy does not go away it is only redirected. That is energy from the electricity of nature, to energy from the electricity of human souls." - Straberry Girl

Jennifer M Scott – “Broken Cacophony” - A journey into the surreal complete with an original picture drawn by me.

Zorlone – “Goodbye” - "Saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do..." - Snow (This is a poetry challenge by Jenn Scott)

Deeptesh Sen – “Angel of the Dark” - Surreal love and fear....and some soft magic!

Fiction

Webbielady – “Her Garden Has Something” - Her garden is her passion. She did not ask for any return but one day something unexpected came up and she could not believe it!

Brought to you by PlotDog Press with the Serial Suspense Screenplay "Intervention"

WOOF Contest – Top Picks, May 29

Poetry

Zorlone – “The Ice King's Vow” - "The message of the poem is slowly unravelled in exquisite lines. First it deals with thoughts and desires, then flows unerringly into the climax/denouement and finally the explosive ending or rather the chilling final lines..." -- JenaIsle

Jennifer M Scott – “Icicles” - A picture poem comparing ice to love.

Roy – “I Thought I Was Tough” - Another poem borne out of frustrations of not being able to beat what life has to dish out tome.

Zorlone – “Shy Guitar” - "Melodious, a story about love and music intertwined." - Strawberry Girl.

Dragon Blogger – “Icy Passion” - Challenged to write a poem about love and comparing it ICE without using the words heart or love, I came up with this poem about "Icy" love.

Fiction

Ferox – “The She-Demon's Anatomy” - Part one of a demonic confrontation in a fantasy novel.

Webbielady – “What's the True Measure of Intelligence?” - A recent call to two of her friends made Rogue question what is the real meaning of intelligence... Why? Why? How can we tell if a person is really intelligent? Can we really measure this thing?

Brought to you by PlotDog Press with the Serial Suspense Screenplay "Intervention"

WOOF Top Picks, May 19

Poetry

Webbielady – “If I Am God...” - What if I'm given the seat as the God of this universe just for a few hours or a day or a couple of days? A crazy though, a weird poem came out of it...

Jena Isle – “Poems of Adieu and Hello” - What would be more indelible in one's memory, is it saying adieu or hello?

Albert Ashok – “Concerning my land” - Concerning my land- is a concern for my country and the well-being of all concerned with my country.

Dragon Blogger – “A Mother's Love” - A tribute to Mother's everywhere.

Roy – “Don't Ask Me Why” - A poem I wrote for my wife in 1999.

Christable Anon – “The Third Day of May” - How would you address your pain to some deaf wounds?

Zorlone – “Simply A Mother” - The joys of motherhood cannot be expressed in a single poem. But this one tries to have a glimpse of the beauty of such a devoted and unselfish love.

Jennifer M Scott – “Birthday” - 2 months to the day is my birthday and I will be 29 I guess getting older is bothering me some since it seems like I am writing a lot about getting older and losing childhood completely.

Brought to you by PlotDog Press with the Serial Suspense Screenplay "Intervention"

WOOF Contest – Top Picks, May 8

Fiction / Short Story / Flash Fiction

Zorlone – “Insanity Road” - An Urban Legend about the outcome of trespassing a private road.

Webbielady – “Isn't Life Supposed To Be Meaningful?” - He was in the process of taking his own life... he's ready to die until some strange melody played over the air that made him do something....

About Writing

Izzy Daniels – “5 things you should learn before starting a blog” - Some beginning bloggers have a view common ideas that they think blogging is linked to. In this post, I let people know how to avoid these common issues.

Writing Nag – “A Perfect Day” - Can writing about what you want make it happen? Writing with intention and writing about your perfect day.

Poetry

Christable Anon – “Memories” - Where did moths steal their wings from?

Dragon Blogger – “Honorless Man” - Rhyming poem made from random words about a man living a double life.

Jennifer M Scott – “four horsepowered heart” - A surreal poem includes a drawing by as well, welcome to my weird world.

Roy – “Man... I am” - A poem about why real men shouldn't hide their own emotions...

WOOF Contest – Top Picks May 1

Poetry

Roy – “I have a hole in my socks....” - Concealing what's inside with smile... like a sock with a hole...

Zorlone - “The Modern Hercules” - Do you desire the perfect body? Then you have just surrendered to the vanity of the demon within you.

Christable Anon – “For my Brown Boy..” - Brown surrealism... a collage of thought process..

Sourik Banerjee – “Somewhere The Artist Still Remembers...” - This poem is a tribute to the enigmatic evening that the poet had spent with his ladylove for the first time...

Dragon Blogger – “Traffic Jam” - Traffic Jam, a unique poem of love.

About Writing

Alex McGaughan – “Things Every Poet Should Know #1, “No-Nos”” - This is the first installment of a series offering advice to poets. This one is a discussion of some "crimes" often committed by novice poets.

Izzy Daniels – “Blogging or Writing…What is More Important?” - Sometimes we tend to walk a fine line between blogging and writing. I do my best to highlight the differences.

Fiction / Monologue / Flash Fiction

Webbielady – “Confessions of a Devoted Sinner” - How distracted he was and so he decided to take his concerns to the Highest Being...

Jena Isle – “Mickey” - A story of a young boy who played video games.

Brought to you by PlotDog Press with the Serial Suspense Screenplay "Intervention"

WOOF Contest – Top Picks, 28 April 2009

Poetry

Zorlone – “Falling in line” - With the different kinds of people falling in line, there are other sub-events that transpire while we wait for our turn.

Zorlone – “Freedom once again” - Initially consisting only four stanzas, this poem is about a little bird looking for freedom. The fifth stanza was added a few days after it was published. "There are different forms of freedom. Sometimes, the unexpected is what we are looking for."

Roy – “Candlelight” - Zest for life... how long will it last?

Jennifer M Scott – “fastidous thoughts” - loss of dreams


About Writing

Izzy Daniels – “Maximizing your Writing Time: Time to Publish” - Getting all your work is important, but what about after you are done? In this post I talk about multiple ways of putting your work out on the web.


Fiction / Short Story

Jena Isle – “Started Small” - A story about the ugly realities of life.

Webbielady – “Their Lip-to-Lips Encounter” - Their meetings are becoming more limited these days but still as passionate as usual... See how he makes her get lost in his warm touches...

WOOF Contest – Top Picks, 21 April 2009

Fiction

Jena Isle – “Was Love Meant to Last Forever?” - Is there such a thing as eternal love? A story of love's imperfections.

About Writing

Roy – “Getting back to poetry... my real reflection” - Rediscovering my love for poetry writing...

Izzy Daniels – “Maximizing Your Writing Time: Ideas! I need Ideas!” - Ways to come up with ideas for your writing, and maximizing your outline in order to avoid having to go back.

Poetry / Poetic Fiction

Zorlone – “Ancient Cities” - We are awed by the presence of astounding skyscrapers, sturdy bridges, and majestic monuments. They are in one way or the other influenced by the ancient cities from all over the world.

Deeptesh Sen – “Time Travel” - It's the creation of a surreal city which you can reach through your mirrors by means of time travel.The vehicle for this telepathic transport is a symphony.

Dragon Blogger – “Unlikeable” - A random word poem about a person who is simply unlikeable.

Gabriel Gadfly – “Shelter” - Two creatures cross paths at the junction of life and death.

Zorlone - “A Gentle Touch” - An intimate beauty of lovers sharing their passion for one another.

Brought to you by PlotDog Press with the Serial Suspense Screenplay "Intervention"

Presenting the finest of the writer’s blogs by the bloggers who write them. Highlighting the top posts as chosen by the April 17, 2009 WOOF Contest participants. Want in to join the next WOOF? The next contest ends April 24. Submit a link to your best writing post of the last 3 weeks using the form on this page. Participants, repost the winning link list within a week and you’re all set.

Previous WOOF Contest – Top Picks

Poetry

zorlone - “Almost a sin?” - A borrowed experience from a good friend which I turned into a poem. The main character asked this question in the end.

Dragon Blogger - “Lovers in Bed” - Another poem of passion between a couple.

Jennifer M Scott - “A Bad Night for a Poet” - I think the title describes it all, perhaps not my best work but it is genuine for what I am feeling at this moment.

Non-Fiction / Personal Memoir / Personal Essay / Philosophy

Dina Tibbs - “Kicke Out Of Kindegarten” - Memoir of my early years being raised by hippies.

Deeptesh Sen - “Dance at Dusk” - It was an experiment with the higher truths of life and profane religious thoughts engendered in this tormented world where only HE can save us again.

Brought to you by PlotDog Press with the Writing Software: "Save the Cat Software and Book Review"

Presenting the finest of the writer’s blogs by the bloggers who write them. Highlighting the top 5 posts as chosen by the March 27, 2009 WOOF Contest participants. Want in to join the next WOOF? The next contest ends April 3. Submit a link to your best writing post of the last 3 weeks using the form on this page. Participants, repost the winning link list within a week and you’re all set.

The Song of The Portuguese Girl (Translated): A Poetic Song of Francesco Guccini

And then and then, people come here and say that they already know the laws of the things.
And all, you know, have a blind pride made of empty formulas ...
And all, you know, will say how to do,
what laws to abide ,wath rules to observe, what is the real truth ...
And then, then, all closed inside many cells and they compete as to who yells stronger
in order not to think that stars and death make them frightened ...

at the Warm sun, the Portuguese girl come down at the beach
there was no words, just sounds like surprised voices ,
only the sea and her first maroon bikini,
the most beautiful things and the joy of warmth on the skin ...

the nearest friends seemed drowned by the sea voice ...
dreams or visions, something took her and she began to think,
she felt that she was just a point at the edge of a continent,
she felt that she was a nothing, the immense Atlantic in the front ...

And in this she felt something great
that she could not understand, that she couldn't perceive,
how she could explain if she had understood , this infinite ocean ...
But as the heat wrapped her, she felt dizzy and began to sleep
and then there was only the sun, like hands of the future;
and only the sea and a maroon bikini remaneid ...

And then and then, if you catch yourself to remember, you will learn that nothing matters
and you will understand that a night or a season is like a lightning of lights on and off
and you will understand that the real ambiguity
is the life that we live, something we call to be "human being "...
And then, then, the vice that will kill you is not to smoke or to drink,
but something that you have inside,
that is life, then life and then life
and then, then life ..

A Warm Encounter Under the Cold Rain

She hurried to go out of the grocery store. It's her usual midweek grocery purchases. She's in her bicycle like the rest of the people in Netherlands. She was in a hurry. She just saw the clouds closing in and getting heavier right above her zone. 

Netherlands is a place where four seasons can happen many times in a day. In a matter of minutes, the weather can be summer-like, winter-like, spring-like or autumn-like.  Even the weather forecasts, no matter how scientific they can be, most of the time cannot precisely predict what's going to be the weather for a certain day. Difficult. That's it.

She fixed her heavy purchases behind her bike. She put some in a free box picked from free boxes the grocery store offered. The rest, she placed in aplastic bag that she has for groceries and some others inside the empty space in her shoulder bag.


She was so sure that rain would fall in a matter of minutes and her house is still 5 minutes away.  "Darn! I must really hurry!" She murmured to herself. She went cycling so fast as her heavy groceries and small foldable bicycle could allow until she gets to the crossing. Like a bad fate, the light turned yellow-orange and she could not cross. She cursed under her breath but she could not do nothing but to wait. Worse came to worst as the rain pured heavily. She was soaked in a few seconds of heavy and thick drops of rain.

It seemed like forever until the traffic light turned green. She didn't know why but she was there for more than a few minutes. Usually the light changes in amatter of 60 seconds but this time, it took a lot of time. Another biker arrived. He's soaked in the rain too. "Ah Dutch weather", he tried to open a conversation with her. She only smiled at him. She was trying to look attentively at the lights expecting them to turn green.

"You've been here for long? I mean, in this crossing? Seems that the light doesn't work properly?"  He asked her.

"Indeed. Seems that it's broken". 

"Oh not again."

---To be continued...---

Blue Moon

The nights's approaching. It's  nine o'clock and 15 minutes but they stayed still in the park. Spending the whole afternoon and early portion of the evening lying in the park's grass is a perfect moment. Who can imagine? Happiness need not necessairily be expensive. He noticed that all those movie moments, disco moments, special dinner moments, he cannot compare those feelings to what he's feeling right now.

Almost all the park goers have gone home for dinner. They're still there, lying in their backs on the grass, talking nonsense, talking about their dreams as they hold each other's hand.

"Are you hungry?" he asked her.

"No. Can we stay a few more minutes? I love the feeling that we are together with only the sound of nature around. Why? Are you hungry?" She asked him back with concerned tone.

"No. I was just thinking of you. We're here for quite some time."

"Indeed but the feeling to be in this way is amazing, y'know. Who knows what the future holds? We may go back in this park someday with our children..." She left the sentence hanging.

"Children??? You mean? You mean? I mean, why the concept of children came to your mind?"

"Oh come on!" She teased him as she pulled his face and deeply kissed him.

"I thought for quite some time about what you said and what you tell me almost everytime... that you really love me. We've been together for so many years and I want to say I appreciate everything. No one else cares for me as you do. I mean, what else should I look for? All is laid down good for me. It's you!"

"Are you sure you're not hungry?" He tried to relax himself and return the teasing though deep down inside he's feeling so nervous, excited and full of anticipation.

"No. I just want to tell you something important before we head for dinner. I love you, too".

"Oh God! At last I heard those words I've been dying to hear for years."

He pulled her close and they kissed for a long time. The moment they realize it's really getting late, they saw the moom so full and big and it looks like it's tainted with blue. It's a lovers' moom. They are meant for each other. His happiness tonight is so much that he could hardly breath. 

"Oh at last! Thanks God." He was whispering and grateful for this special night.

"Let's go and have dinner, Sweetheart." She pulled his hands and as soon as they're near each other, they walked with his hand wrapping her shoulders while hers is around his waist.

My Antipatic Colleague

She is always irritable. She is my colleague. She is in her early forties and I really dislike the way she acts. It seems to me that she has severe mood swing problems: one moment she is talking to me like she's my best friend in this world, and one minute later, she's gonna bark at me like a stray hound! I just don't know what's into her.

Almost everyone at work dislike her. She is really very uncongenial. However, I always try to be nice to her and be kind despite the fact that she unreasonably barks at me most of the time. I always think that behind someone's attitude, there is always a deeper reason and a deeper meaning and explanation.

I was correct!

One sunny afternoon, one of her friends visited her. They sat just a few meters away from me from the office garden. It was our afternoon 30-minute break so it was a coincidence that I was also taking some sun and reviewing my language course lessons near where they sat and discuss stuff. Naturally, I overheard their conversation.

Her visitor is the nurse of her son. The son is a vegetable (paraplegic???? or something like that?). I learned later on, both from the conversation I heard and from people who knew her better than me, that the son, two years ago met an accident in a ski lesson in Italy. The accident has damaged the spinal column area (nervous system organ) and resulted to permanent paralysis of his limbs. Thus, her son can only live if the nurse or his mother (my colleague) is attending him.

I was really saddened by the discovery that I made. I understood why she's behaving so. I found the reason for her mood swings and irritated manner. I uncovered the meaning of everything. I never regret that I always tried to be good to her. She is feeling so bad for the situation of her son. I feel lucky for myself as I am so young, at 24 years of age and healthy and no worries about the health of my loved ones.

From that discovery, I even tried to be even more good to her. I know it's so difficult from her side and understanding from her colleagues is a big factor for her. Now I am thankful that I did not try to bark back during those times she barked at me.

Armageddon

---------- ---------- If I am fire---
----------  ---------- I'll burn the world
--------------------  it is so chaotic
---------- ---------- it is no more safe;
--------------------  thus it needs cleansing.

--------------------  If I am water
---------- ---------- I'll flood all over
--------------------  I'll be everywhere
---------- ---------- an endless river
---------- ---------- happy to drown
--------------------  ---------- ---------- ---------- --              this earth forever.

---------- ----------      If I am soil
---------- ----------      I wan to be barren
---------- ----------      no one can use me,
---------- ----------      no one can produce from me
---------- ----------      as I cannot support this world's atrocity
---------- ----------      not to mention its insanity.

---------- ----------     If I am wind
---------- ----------     I'll strom the earth
---------- ----------     It is the only way
---------- ----------     I can blow away the filth
---------- ----------     that the so-called humans,

--------------------      its ungrateful inhabitants, 

--------------------  have scattered around.

--------------------  They are not humans to me but are hound!

The Fish Is Caught From Its Mouth

"Don't tell tell them about what I did yesterday", Pepay said.

"I am not telling anything," replied Aika.
But what possibly I can tell them?

Pepay and Aika are colleagues. It was early morning chit-chat in the office when they had this conversation about their drinking escapade the day before. The two are known to us all to be very close buddies and party goers. They also do a lot of bar hopping at night when they are not so busy at work.

That day, they were laughing about their experience the prior day. They are however seated apart for about five meters in the in our department's area/office so they had to make their voices louder when they have to converse and that loud conversation attracted the attention of everyone listening around. Then, everyone got curious about the thing that Pepay was telling Aika but she was so sure that it must not be known by anyone else aside from the two of them.

I was one of the curious ones. There are 16 of us in the office and aside from me, there are 13 more people who are curious about what they were talking about.

Suddenly Pepay answered, "Don't tell them that I got so drunk and threw up so much".

We all laughed because Aika need not tell us anymore what happened to Pepay. We just discovered the truth from Pepay's mouth. Indeed the fish is baited in its mouth. Funny!

A Poor Boy's Memoir: Dimension I

Pardon me If I cannot tell the story perfectly as I only finished Grade 4 of Elementary School in Philippines. But I want to tell my story. --- I was born as the second child of my parents. I am the eldest son though. We are six in all: I have two brothers and three sisters. Maybe you are thinking why my parents did not have family planning tactics. You are right in a way but not correct in another. After my sister who's next to me was born, my mother had the tubal ligation schedule at our local hospital but that very scheduled day, a typhoon hit the Philippines until she could not get another schedule so soon. In short, she get pregnant again for our 4th sibling. He's a boy too.

My childhood was not bad, I can say. My sister, the oldest in the family, she was very responsible as a child, while our younger siblings, we both played with them and we helped a lot in the house chores. We used to fetch water from a very far place, maybe around 3 kilometers away from our house. You can imagine us: I, with my one gallon of water as I move it from my right hand to my left from time to time to ease the pain of the gallon container weight, while my sister, she has each in her hand. When she's tired, or can't bear the weight for quite some time, she puts those two gallon containers to the ground and we both take some minutes of rest.

-- I remember my childhood when I saw that image in the right... that child is carrying a heavier container than what we used to do though... --

Since we are talking about those gallon containers, I tell you that we really considered ourselves to be lucky if we could find those containers to have lid. Because if not, we expect a lot of wasted along the way, maybe 20% of what we initially took from the water well. I can remember that we used to do this water fetching the moment I could walk. Water supply in my town, and many other towns in the Philippines, is such a bitch, you know.

Those gallon containers were a remarkable part of my life. Maybe because I spend almost all my childhood for that: fetching water. When our third sister started to walk, she joined the team of water fetcher for the family. Thus, we always went in teams of three with those gallon containers in our hand. That time however, Sister 2 is the one who's carrying a single gallon container as she was the smallest in the team. Sister 1 and I were both having two gallons containing water in each hand.

The fun of doing this thing was, we do it after school in the afternoon. We arrived at home at around 5:30 after running back home from the elemntary scholl that's around 5 kilometers away from home. The moment we rested our school bags and umbrellas inside the house, we would go right away to the kitchen to take those empty gallons, get them ready, and then we would change our school uniforms to house clothes. After, off we go to the water well a few kilometers away.

Since no hurry is needed when we did those tasks, sometime we played along the way. We were only afraid of the darkness which starts to hit the country at around 6 or 6:30 sometimes or maybe in a very limited number of times at 7 pm. But how could we know anyway? Wrist watches were things of luxury for us so we have none. We relied on our guts and eyes to see if darkness was coming. Thus, when the sun was still up and light was still visible, sometimes we go inside the mini-jungle along the way and climb some fruit tress and eat them. I remember those fruit trees: santol from May to June and guava for various months of the year and pomelo on a few ocassions. There were so many coconuts but it needs a cutting material to be eaten so we have not eaten any fresh cocos along the way that time. We also used to eat sugar canes but those were from sugar cane plantations and not from mini-jungles like the other fruits I mentioned. That's the fun of it! Climbing trees and eating and stealing a few sugar canes.

Despite the fact that we, my two sisters and I, worked more than play, we tried to make good of those moments and enjoy the best way we could. We only played during recess time at school from 9-9:30 in the morning and lunch break, when the sun was not so strong.

The water fetching with gallon containers is only one dimension of my life. You will know me little by little. I find my life interesting, sad, happy and a mix of everything. I will tell you another dimension soon.

Her Garden Has Something

See the story's conclusion...

Her garden is her passion. It's her trophy as well. None of their many friends and acquaintances who became a guest to their home has left without seeing their garden-her garden. Each and every of these guests always exclaim beautiful praises for her gardening works whenever any of them take a look at her garden. It seems that anytime of the year, bulbs and petals are everywhere. The colors are varied and make the viewers' eyes really enjoy.

"I'm not alone in creating this beauty. The butterflies help me", she explains every time and her guests simply smile at this nite of hers.

She has to admit that gardening is not easy. When she started, she could not count the number of dying plants and flowers that passed by her hands but she persevered and continued trying. She knew that gardening has many good things in it. Among these many good things, she thinks of the utmost good side: she is building a playground for butterflies.

She remmebered that not even a single butterfly was present when she was starting and was still in the phase that most plants were dying when she tries to do something with them. But now, she could observe a good number of butterflies flying around anytime of the day as long as it's not raining hard and as long as the sun's light is still out. She loves butterflies. For her, a garden without butterfly seem to defeat the purpose of its existence. Butterflies add color to the existing beautiful colors that her plants and flowers in the garden already have.

Seeing a color combination in motion amazes her- the color of flying butterflies in various colors and shapes. There are around at least seventy butterflies in her garden and when any of those butterfly hops in her hand while she does her gardeing, she tries to pause and converse with the beautiful creature. "Hi beautiful! What made you hop in my skin? I'm not a flower but I assume I'm sweet?" Even her make a wide grin when this situation happens and she would put the butterfly slowly in one of her garden's many blooming petals and off she goes back gardening again.

She continued this routine of talking to the butterflies as if they are humans. One day, while she was very happy doing her usual gardening stuff, as her mode of relaxation after going home from office, one very beautiful and strange looking butterfly hopped in her hand. As usual, she conversed with the beautiful creature. "How are you beautiful? Are you from this garden? I have never seen you before, have I?"

"I am doing great madam, and thanks to you. I'm from this garden of yours but I rarely go out." The butterfly talked back to her in a high pitched voice but just enough for her to hear it. Naturally she was taken aback by this fact.

See the story's conclusion...

Her Garden Has Something (page 2)

The story's beginning...

She was about to scream but she tried to control herself and calm down. She closed her eyes and tried to convince herself that it's only her imagination that plays tricks to her. Then she also told herself that she might be having stress but she knew very well that she is always relaxed and stress is not a good explanation.

When she opened her eyes, the talking butterfly was still there. Now, it seemed that it is magnified. It seems bigger! And she could see the butterfly smiling at her.

"You need not be afraid, madam. I only came here to thank you for all the kindness and beautiful deeds you have done my servants and population. I always hear good report from each of them whenever they try to collect nectars from here. Today, I decided to see you personally." This explanation of the magical talking butterfly made her calm down a bit but she's still scared and felt very strange.

"But you are a butterfly! How can you talk back to me? You make me feel like I'm crazy here making this conversation with you!"

"You are not actually talking to me literally. It's in your mind only. I am also not talking to you literally but it appears to you that I am. We are conversing in our minds. My power allows us to do it."

"Sigh... at least I wont appear stupid. If they see me talking to you, or talking alone, I bet they'd advise me to see a psychiatrist. Thanks to this telepathic communication at least."

"I came here to award you one wish as your kindness is too much for us. Now have your wish and I'll grant it."

"Oh wow! Really!? How many wishes I am entitled to?"

"A single wish my dear."

"Hmmm... Let me see... Let me think. I wish... I wish to have... I wish... I wish that all my family stay in good health which means no sickness, no accidents, stuff like that."

"I understand. That wish is granted. You indeed have a golden heart. You did not ask for money or anything highly material. Because of that, you are entitled to one more wish a year from today. I hope you keep my species stay here and collect nectar."

"That is a pleasure to me. Thanks for granting my wish and am looking forward to my second wish next year. Thanks to your species too as you make my garden more beautiful."

She stood up and see happy butterfllies around her, hopping from one flower to another. She knew good deeds always have good returns. One just don't know when it would come, where it would come and most of all, what would come! She smiled to herself.

The story's beginning...

What's the True Measure of Intelligence? (Page 1 of 3)

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Jenora: Yes, I'm the Regional Finance Director of an International organization now. My responsibility covers Europe and Africa.

Me: That's amazing, Jen! I'm so glad to hear this big success of yours.

Jenora: The same is true here. I'm glad I heard from you. Remember our high school escapades? And have you heard anything about Lugina?

Me: In fact, I am planning to call her right after this conversation with you. I'd like that the three of us will have a reunion sometime when we happen to have some time to go back to our city.

Jenora: All right. Please let me know what's the latest with her if you can contact her. I would like to talk with her as well.

Me: No problem. Byw for now. I bet you're very busy. I'll call you again when I have news about our old dear friend. Ciao Jen.

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Me: What?!?! You have four kids now? That's a big surprise. I never expected that motherhood could happen to you so soon. I mean, we are 25 and you have five children. I just spoke with Jenora and we're still both single.

By the way, how have you been? It's been years since we last talked to each other. Tell me about you, Ludge.

Lugina: Oh Rogue... It's been a crazy life for me. I never succeeded with my dreams. I'm stuck here in our city, with four children, with a life thrown. I mean, I do love my four little angels but sometimes I do regret I got into this marriage life so soon. My husband does not even have a permanent job. I did bad decisions and here I am. Sigh...

How's Jen by the way? You mentioned you just talked with her?

Me: Yes Ludge. She's travelling all over Europe and Africa so she really is not staying in a single country. She sounded so pleased with her work. Ah, you know that go-getter. She has a residence in Munich though and she told me that if she has time, she stays there.

Lugina: I'm so envoìious of you two. You have reached your dreams, while I.. I really think I'm a failure. Sigh.... Oh wait! That's my youngest crying. I bet she's hungry now. I'm still breast feeding her. Hope to talk yìto you soon Rogue. For now I need to hang up. Thanks for calling.

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What's the True Measure of Intelligence? (Page 2 of 3)

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I just finished those conversations with my two close friends back in high school. I was able to secure their respective contact numbers from a social networking site where the three of us are members since high school days. I was lucky to have found their updated profiles, still with correct information, at least with regards their contact numbers.

The three of us were inseparable back in high school. We mostly hang out in the same places, we supported each other in our respective activities, and our respective families were also aware how close we were to each other. The two of them, Jenora and Lugina, were the brightest among our batch and I can say that it was a great deal of luck to have both of them as my closest of friends. I was the sporty tyoe while those two were highly intellectuals.

The challenge in our friendship came during our moment to graduate. The school records show that both Jen and Ludge were deserving Valedictorians. However, only one, as the school rules and regulations state, should be the Valedictorian in each school year.

Jenora was the one who simply gets what she wants. She perfected almost all examinations without spending so much time studying. She was the most easy going intellectual type of girl and Ireally admired her for that.

On the other hand, Lugina really studied so much and sometimes, when Jenora had to render some moral support for my tournaments, Lugina busied herself studying, making sure she gets the best of each examination. She was the bookworm, studious type of intellectual. While I admire her patience for studying, I resented secretly for her absense in some of my basketball, soccer, or martial art tournaments being one of my closest friends.

When the high school Principal and our Adviser in senior year called the two of them in the Principal's office, I already knew what was the problem. I knew that my two closest friends are holding the same position as the School's Valedictorian that year. I was thinking of the worse to happen, especially in our friendship, when I realized this fact.

However, after a very short period of time, barely ten minutes, the Principal's office opened and my two friends emerged out of it, with wide smiles in their faces while they walked arm-in-arm towards me. "What the hell is happening?" I had to question myself.

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What's the True Measure of Intelligence? (Page 3 of 3)

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Jenora conceded!Lugina was the decided Valedictorian for the year. Lugina was so happy and so proud that she could tell her parents this great success.

What happened inside the Principal's office, they both told me. Jenora insisted that Lugina be the Valedictorian as she studies a lot. The Principal and our Adviser agreed and in fact, they have been planning to have the honor given indeed to Lugina but Jenora got the same high grades and extra curricular activities which made them confused and undecided. Everybody was happy by then. Jenora, as the happy-go-lucky person, she did not mind being the Salutatorian for the year. The three of us remained very good friends until the university years.

Thinking about those happenings in high school, after my two phone calls to those two closest friends of mine back then, and checking on their current status in life, made me realize that Jenora was the deserving intelligent person. She reached her dreams and she used her intelligence to advance herself and be successful.

On the other hand, I am very disappointed with what happened to Lugina. She threw her future away. With four children and no work makes her, as she said earlier, a real failure. I don't know why she had to marry so young and bring four kids without stabilising her financial status and her career firsr.

I know that this world is not all about money. But a little stability would not hurt, especially if someone plans to have four children. When I had that phone call with Lugina, I heard desperation in her voice; I heard that she herself is disappointed with her own acts and decisions. Now I realize that Jenora is even more intelligent in real life. It is not in the books! The intelligence in dealing with real life cannot be read. It cannot be learned inside the four corners of the school, or the university but it is earned by real intelligent people.

Jenora contributes better to this world: her intelligence, her innovative mind, her charity donations as she is earning much more than herself, she helps her family financially and many other good things that improve and help everyone else around her because she decided to be successful.

Lugina becomes a burden of society. So many children, she cannot even help herself, and worse that I can expect, the children would have to suffer given that the parents are not very stable financially. Their education and future would be at stake just because their mother decided to marry and have four of them without thinking of the consequences first.

Now I understant why it was so easy for Jenora to give up the honor as the Valedictorian and have it given to Lugina. It is not the honor itself that makes a person fulfilled. It's the life itself. Now that's real intelligence!

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If I am God...

____________________
____________________
____________________
____________________
____________________
____________________
____________________
____________________

If I am God
I would resign
My responsibilities are gigantic
The consequences of my acts
Are usually traumatic

If I am God
I'd be tired easily
Racism here, racism there
Racism is everywhere

If I am God ------------------------------------------------- - --------------- If I am God
I'd resign no more -----------------------------------------------------I'd really cover my ears
Why I changed my mind? ------------------------------- ---- ----When all opposing teams
I'll let Islam, Christianity ------------------------- ---- - ----------- -In each tournament
And other beliefs in unity ------------------------ --- ---------Utter their respective prayers

If I am God
I'd be damned
To allow countless deaths
In many wars

If I am God
I'd impersonate a clown
As I want everyone
To erase their frown

If I am God...
But I could not be...
If I am God...
But there's no way!

Isn't Life Supposed to Be Meaningful? page 1 of 2

Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life

This is what he was hearing from his little speaker attached to his phone. He wonders why this song, which is not his taste of music, played out of the blue. He's soaked in the bath tub as he was thinking how to finish his own life. He's been dying to commit suicide but he lacks the courage to do so.


As he faintly hears the song from his little speaker, which he also use in his bedroom when he wants to fall asleep and FM stations play mellow music, he feels something from deep inside him. The feeling relates to the song but he tried to ignore it. He always enjoyed relaxing as he does his evening baths but this time, his purpose is different as he just stay soaked in the tub to imagine how it would be to die there. "Maybe I'll rip my wrist deep enough and voilà I'm dead!" he thinks like crazy.

In fact, not only this thought of ripping his wrist came into his mind. He was also thinking of loosening the screw connecting the gas tank to the main gas lines from the city to his apartment. "I'd open it just right for a little gas to escapee, then I'd lock myself here and I'd wake up facing Saint Peter," he was actually amused by this thought.

What is the reason of this all? Why he, the bright and talented and successful person trying to end his life?

"That biatch! I trusted her with all my life and now she's fuc_ing with that idiot right under my nose! How dare they do this to me! And I... I... I am so coward to do any vengeance against them! I am a coward and I can't even manage my own death! This life sucks! I just wanna die"

That was Abelard. He's trying to kill himself. Her ex-girlfriend is Yvonne. It was a great love story between the two of them, full of romance for three full years until the relationship became sour. For what reason everything fell out of place he doesn't know. All he know is, he was happy with her and he hates the fact that she betrayed him. How he caught her betrayal? He doesn't want to remember.

Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I've been through

The chorus played again. Now he's paying attention as he hears it. And now he listens deeply to it. He searched in his heart what this song is all about. Nothing. He tried his brain. Empty. He knows that the song connects onto something but in his confused mode he could not easily fathom what the song connects to.

He added more hot water in his tub unconsciously. He added the bath cream and tried to relax. He forgot everything about his suicide plans. He just wanted a few moment of peace for now and a little relaxation. He closed his eyes deeply.

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Isn't Life Supposed To Be Meaningful? page 2 of 2

Abelard woke up feeling cold. No more heat in the water he's soaked into. He got up and out of the bath tub and dried himself and took his phone and the little speaker to his bedroom. When he looked at his bedside table clock, it was already 1 o'clock and three minutes. Midnight has passed an hour ago. He fell asleep in the tub for about two and a half hours.

He put on his pajama and went under the sheets. Although it's spring already, he could still feel cold in the night so the bed cover remains thick but the heater is okay to be switched off. He went to bed thinking about the song. Now he has all the time to think about it. After an hour of deciphering the connection to the song he remembered what the song was, and why it was telling him a certain feeling.

Two weeks later Abelard was invited to deliver a speech to teens who attempted to extinguish their own lives. He told the whole story about his own suicide plans and the meaning of the song.

Her name was Strawberry but we gladly call her Berry. She's among the brightest in our batch in high school and she even managed to be second to me for a certain school year. I maintained the first honors in all my high school years. She was healthy by then and was the romantic type, not violent, not sporty. A simple yet very sweet girl. She's a friend to many but a casual friend to me at first. Later on, we went to date and she became my girlfriend. However, we both decided to put everything to normality, kind of "cool off" until we get our respective degrees. We made this agreement for our very own future.

University life came and we were all busy with our respective studies. Berry and I, we started to lose communication but I still think of her when there's space in my mind. Studying Accountancy and for the upcoming CPA examinations when I graduate really made me very occupied.

One day we all received the news that she died. She died of a complex sickness. She was in hospital for quite some time but we never had any news about it. We were only able to see her in her wake. That caused a lot of pain to me but since our communication was a little loose than when we were in high school, the pain was lesser than I expected. I did not even shed tear and when I met Yvonne, I forgot everything about Berry.

While we were in Berry's wake, it was like a reunion with all high school friends and acquaintances. The sister and the mother told us the story. While many of her family and friends gather at her wake, a background music was playing.... it's the song I heard that night... We asked the mother and the sister why the same music is playing in Berry's wake all the time and it's played over and over.

"Berry, while waiting her last moments, was having a smile in her face", said the mother. "She was never afraid of death and was even comforting us not to worry about her, and as her very final moments she sang the song.. until she finally lost her breath...", added the sister.

Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life

When I realized the connection, I changed my mind about dying. Berry, enjoyed and appreciated her life 'till the last second of it. I am still feeling the pain Yvonne dug in my heart but I will be eventually all right. Life is a game and it's great to play wise with it. It will only be meaningful if we try instill meaning to it.

To be honest, I am not religious nor a believer in some kind of spirit but Berry's courage and that song inspire me and remind me to be alive. Little it may seem, what we had together had made me survive and be here in front of you at this very moment. Indeed, here I am, alive and kicking. I believe now that I am more courageous than I think I was. I chose to take life's path 'till the end. I must face life and conquer happiness. That's the true courage.

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