Saturday, December 01, 2012

Ralf et les prophéties de Mayas pour 2012 - Webbielady

<<Pourquoi es-tu si généreux?>> avais-je l'habitude de lui demander.
<<C'est juste quelque chose de matérielce n'est pas gravele monde prendra fin bientôt>>,  avait-il toujours répondu de cette façon.

C'est mon ami RalfNous sommes allés à l'école secondaire ensemblede l’ âge de 12 à 17 ansChaque fois que nous sommes allés  déjeuner ensemble, il a payé pour tout ce que j'avais commandé. Le Taxi, les transports en commun ou les petits frais de scolarité, il payait aussi tout cela  pour moi. Il avait toujours la même réponsequ'il n'avait pas besoin de garder des choses matérielles pour lui-même. Il croyait vraiment que le monde devrait se terminer bientôt. Alors, il n'y avait aucun intérêt à  garder quelque chose de matériel pour l'avenir.

Maintenant qu’on parle beaucoup de la prophétie célèbre des Mayas, selon laquelle le monde se termine cette année, j'ai pensé à RalfNous avons des contacts sur facebook et je saisen discutant avec lui de temps en temps, qu'il n'a pas changé. C'est toujours la même persone généreuse que je connaissaisJe sais que je ne peux jamais battre sa générositéni aucune personne que je connais ne pourrait le faire. Sa  générosité est tellement profonde et émane de sa personalité . Si une bonne partie de l'humanité était comme Ralf, le monde serait un meilleur endroit pour vivre.

C'est vrai que le monde peut se terminer cette année. Cependant,  s'il n'y avait aucune cupidité ou avidité  dans le  caractère des humains   et s'il y'avait de la générosité dans l'airet que tout le monde était autosuffisant , les guerres et les famines disparaitraient et nous serions tous heureux d’affronter  la fin.

Thursday, November 01, 2012

This is the summary The Ghost Town by Webbielady

I used to have them. How much I enjoyed listening to their ideas, seeing their brilliance, feeling their concern for me, their love for the nature, their everything. Now they are gone, gone to far away places and I miss them. Those kids, they broke my heart to pieces, really chopped it thinly and then pulverized it real good. The only consolation I have is the fact that they did break my heat but unintentionally. Yes! They were forced to do so. I know it pains them to know my situation and I know that. This is the reason why I keep my silence, I don't want them to come back here just for me. I want them to be happy, I wish them a happy and fulfilled life.

They left five years ago. I see them probably twice or thrice since then. Everytime they go back home, it relieves me to see how contented they are, how successful they are. It makes me happy listening ot their stories of their adventures, their tales of the lovely lands they went too, their bragging against each other who got the best land of choice. At the same time it disturbs me, it makes me think no one of them actually remembers me nor cares for me. But deep within me, I know them, I know that they care, I know they love me, but they can't blame me if I doubt it, sometimes they are just too loud about their contentment somewhere else than here.

Ten years ago, they were just starting their university days. These kids were restless, full of passion for their studies and their focus towards success. Sometime they stay at night and make their presentations for their university projects and it used to cheer me to no limit hearing their lines in the middle of the quiet night, how they see the future, how they plan to share their minds and soul for the better of their motherland. Those days are gone. I have no one here left. All I have are memories, beautiful memories, their dreams fulfilled with me as a collateral beneficiary. It's painful.

These days, what I hear around are relatives of these kids bragging about the latters' success. They spend here, they brag there, they throw parties everywhere. Their kids are abroad, earning so much money so these people here think they can drink unlimited and can gamble all day. Or worse, the younger ones don't study as hard since they don't feel the hardships their older brothers and sisters went through to attain success. These people here have no future, they are lifeless! I hope they wake up one day and realize their mistakes. I hope they get back to life. As of now, they are nothing but living dead. I call them ghosts. And I am the ghost town. I am a town in the Philippines!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Ralf and The Mayan Prophecy by Webbielady

Why are you so generous? I used to ask him.
It's just something material, it does not matter, the world will end soon, he'd always answer this way.

That's my friend Ralf. We went to secondary school together, ages ranging 12 to 17. Whenever we went to have lunch together, he'd pay for everything I ordered. Taxi, public transportation or even sometimes small school fees, he'd cover for me. He had always the same answer, that he does not need to keep any material things for him. He actually believed that the world was to end soon so no point in keeping anything.

Now that the popular Mayan Phophecy, about the world ending this year, I thought of Ralf. We have facebook contact and I know, by chatting with him from time to time that he did not change. He's still the same generous person I used to know. I know I could not beat his generosity. nor any person that I know alive could do that, it's just so deep and from within him. If a good proportion of humanity is like Ralf, the world would be a better place to live in. This world may end this year, but if no greediness is in everyone's character and generosity is in the air, and everyone have their fair share of material belongings, no war and famine would be necessary. This way, we'll all be happy to face the ending.

Saturday, September 01, 2012

In the tropical island by Webbielady

In the tropical island  by Webbielady

It can't be true! It can only be a dream.  

Hmmmmm... how relaxing.. how lovely... Mmmazing... The warm white sand soothing my naked body feels like ecstasy. At arm's length lies my fresh coconut juice in its own dehusked shell. I took a couple of sips out of it, slowly savoring the fresh sweet juice. It's sheer pleasure. Sitting like a Roman against the sun-bathing rattan chair, I could completely enjoy the view of those coconut and other palm trees casting the shadows of their dancing leaves against the warm white sand.


And I said to myself, "I love this dream".


I continued to "devour" that marvelous situation as the scent of salty waters filled my nostrills while the sea breeze, fresh, mild and aromatic at the same time, hit my naked physique like a mild Shiatsu. I inhaled deeply feeling the healthy oxygen the breeze was offering to my physical being for nourishment and for my soul to survive.


I affirmed to myself, "it can't be real".


Ohh how relaxing, how pleasing, how mind-relaxing. I almost moaned out loud with the moment's pleasure as three perfectly shaped and tanned ladies passed by, smiling at me sweetly. Oh those inviting smiles! And those glorious skimpy bikinis made me whistle out of tune. Those warm eyes seem to challenge my masculinity. "What a paradise it is here," I thought and I repeated for the last couple of times, "it can only be a dream. It can only be a dream." 



I slowly opened my eyes and turned my head in the direction of my office window. There's no hope outside, it's gloomy, cloudy, drizzly and windy as always in my EPO office location in Rijswik, Netherlands. What else can I expect in the middle of winter? I can only dream. Or worse, I can only day-dream! 

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Life and Happiness


Life and Happiness


Moments
Sitting on the grass, under trees’ shadow, sunbeams through the
leaves, inundates me.

Thoughts
Distant memories, current sadness crowding

Flying

As a bird floating up in the air, soaring.


Celebrating
The miracle of life, the nature.

Singing
The sweet lovely melody

Reminding

That life, like happiness, is an instant.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

At the Festival: a cross-cultural love story

"Dad, why Mom looks different?" 

"Son, it's because mom is from Asia." 

"What is Asia, Dad?" 

"That is a continent, just like Europe or North America. We are in Germany and it is in Europe. Grandpa lives in Canada and that is North America. Asia, Europe and North America are all continents." 

"Hmmmm... but why? Can we go to Asia Dad? Maybe I can take the train again? I love it!" 

"Maybe this summer, Son. I will discuss it with mom so you will be able to see your relatives there too. And that takes an airplane, just like when we had our trip to uncle in Turin three months ago, remember?" 

"Wow! That's even more exciting then! Okay dad, I hope we can go soon, I really would love to fly again!" 

It seems just yesterday when I met Sharry in the Philippines. My friends from Germany decided to see this festival in a city in middle Philippines. It happens every third week of the January and there are just so many activities and contests that happen during this festival. Not to mention of course the "to-die for" beaches in that country. 

First, we went to a paradise-like beach called Boracay for one week. That was the second week of January in 2005. The week after, we visited Iloilo to enjoy this "Dinagyang Festival". It is a religious and touristic festival at the same time. Deeply, I am not so aware why this festival came in mind but maybe my friends have more ideas about this. All I can remember is that it was full of fun and people were all happy and nice. 

After the festival, we were supposed to go back to Germany. However, I got some virus from tropical water and I had to be admitted to the hospital. My friends did not have any choice but to leave me and take their return flights. My condition was hopeless. No relatives, no friends, weak health condition and no family member was there to attend to my needs. 

Sharry was one of the nurses monitoring me in the hospital where my friends brought me in. I was lucky to have mentioned to her my problem. She made it a point to make my life easier: helping me in every means she could and trying to comfort me that things would go all right. After a few days, I was back to normal. I did not go back to Germany that time. Sharry and I spent a little bit of time to know each other further. After 3 weeks I finally went back to Germany and Sharry went on with her work in the hospital. 

From the very moment we I was alone, I could not stop but to think of her. A year later, I went to witness Dinagyang Festival in Iloilo agian. I went to the hospital where Sharry work and lucky as I was, she was still there. We dated and and we got married a year later. 

Now we have our belowed son. It seems just yesterday but Dinagyang Festival had it happen

Thursday, March 01, 2012

Cherishing 2009 European Patent Office Temp Job Experience

European Patent Office (EPO) Experience, Cherished
Originally posted in my another site, http://www.webloglearner.com in 2009 and all typos and/or mistakes are left unedited....
Where should I start? Where should I start?
. __From my left, right, north or south?
. .___I better start to those offices adjacent to mine
. .____As they all are cherished in my heart and mind.

. ._____To Mr. D as I call Dave Bax
. .______Who’s always there to make me laugh
. ._______I was his Karate kid to the max
. _______.As our funny tournaments were a good way to relax.
.

. _______.To Filip Demuinck who’s an intelligent person that hired me
. .______I always thank that moment when you agree
. ._____That I’d be the one to be there in that office
. ____.Despite that very short notice.

. ___Anna Maria Mauri is never forgotten
___With my hard trying Italian to her I’ve spoken
__Anna, veramente mi manchi tanto
_Spero che ci vediamo piu presto.

To dear Christian Jaskowiak who’s like a father_
Listening to his life’s experiences is always a wonder__
I always love it when he tells tales___
About his family, his wife, son and daughters.____

Now let me start in another side of the hall_____
Where Ton Brabander’s office is behind that wall______
Ton is always fun to talk to_______
And I never forget that he sings great too!_______

Now let me see what’s there in the corner_______
Where Luis Pereira and Ian Sanford were______
I have nothing much to tell about you two_____
But I always am thankful to have worked with both of you.____

Back to the other side of the hall with Frederique Musson___
She was the one who taught me the first booking lesson__
I never forget her patience and perseverance_
I wish to thank her personally if I get the chance.

_Together with Fred there comes Chritèle Lorho
__The SAP expert who’s willing to help me or you
___Chritèle, I greatly salute you
____For being such a SAP guru.

_____A wall apart is Marga de Bruijn
______She is the one who erases our frown
_______She brings color to every corridor
________And I always find it strikingly cool.

________Not to forget the solid trio
_______Clarice, Rachid and David number two
______For you three, I can’t say nothing much
_____But it’s always great to have worked with your lot.

____Iana Teneva is the ultima
___How can I ever thank her and her Bulgarian aura?
__She helped me so much with everything
_And I’m glad that we’re still connected through blogging.

Eric Redout is the man_
If we need information or direction, he’s the one.__
Thank you Eric for all the laughter___
I wish your kites would always be there, higher and higher.____

Chris Corney is never forgotten_____
Even though in the Hague he’s rarely seen______
I always think that his home-base is in Munich ______
But I can say that his people skills is really great._______

What can I say more than thank all of you?_______
My stay was really great at EPO______
How I wish I can return_____
But if that can happen, it’s still not known.____

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Ang Akwaryum

Ang Akwaryum
Isinulat ni Webbielady

 Pagod na pagod na ako. Ayoko na. Ano ba naman ang importansiya ng buhay? Hindi ko talaga maintindan. 43 anyos na akong solo sa buhay. Wala lang, buhay nga ba 'to? Oo nga, buhay ba ang tawag dito? Buhay nga ako pero patay naman ang kaluluwa ko. Araw-araw na trabaho, walang pagmamahal, walang pag-aaruga, as in wala! Pagod na talaga ako sa routine na 'to! Ano pa ba ang pwedi kong gawin? Walang-wala na! Ang umanidad ay nakakahiya! Ang pulitika ay nakakasuka! Ang mundong ito ay playground lamang ng kasamaan at nakakasukang katotohanan. Ayaw ko nang manatili dito. Ayoko na.Gusto ko nang tapusin ang lahat! Papano nga ba?

 Ano nga ba ang best way ng pagpapakamatay na hindi kailangang magdusa? Tama na ang pagdurusa ko! Nakakahiya naman kung bibitayin ko ang sarili ko, pangit ang dating. E, laslasin ko kaya ang pulso ko? Yay, bloody nga naman! Ayoko din nyan! Lagyan ko nalang kaya ng lason ng daga ang gatas ko mamaya. Oo nga, tamang-tama! Bingo! 


Kaya lang... saglit nga! Papano ang mga isda ko? Sila lang yung nagpapasigla ng araw ko at sila lang ang nagpapasaya nang konti ng malungkot kong buhay. Sigurado magdudusa sila pag wala na ako. Kawawa naman itong mga minamahal kong isda! Hindi ko to matitiis! E, papano na ngayon? 


Makapagisip nga. Ayaw kong magdusa ang mga minamahal kong isda ng mas matagal kaysa sa pagdusa ko. Saglit! Hmmmm... Sa tingin ko, bawasan ko nlang yung tubig ng akwaryum, tapos ilagay ko sya sa kusina at buksan ko yung gas.... Tama! Ayan! Isara ko yung mga bintana at sa kusina ako matutulog kasama ng mga mahal kong isda sa kahuli-hulihang pagkakataon sa mundong ito. Bukas wala na kami dito............. 


 .....kinabukasan..... 


 Oo na, oo na, alam ko! Buhay pa din kami! Hindo ko kayang patayin ang mga mahal kong isda! Wala na akong choise kundi mamuhay sa nakakasuklam na mundong to.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

The Aquarium

The Aquarium
 by Webbielady

 I'm just tired. I can't continue anymore.What's the point of living!? I cannot really see it. I am alone after all. At 43, I've just existed. Yes, ONLY existed: I work each day of my life but no passion, no love, no life, nothing! I am so bored of this routine.What else can I do? There's just nothing out there. Humanity itself is embarassing! Politics is a dirty game. This earth is nothing but a playground of egoism, betrayal, and horseshit?

Why should I belong here? I really don't want to. I want to cease my existence! How? How can I take my life without suffrage? I have suffered more than enough! Hanging myself is embarassing, it doesn't look pleasant after all so don't like that! Cutting my wrists? Oh, that's bloody! I don't want that either! I think I'll just drink a glass of milk with high concentrate of rat poison in it. Yeah, that's it! Eureka!

But... but...wait! How about my fishes? They are the only ones who cheer my day all these years and the only creatures that makes me happy a bit. They will suffer without me! Oh my poor ones! I can't let them suffer. What can I do now? Let me see. I do't like my beloved fishes to suffer any longer that I do. Wait! Hmmm... I think I'll just reduce the water in aquarium, place it in the kichen and I'll open the gas... Yes! That's it! I'll close the window and sleep in the kitchen with my fishes for our last moments on earth and together. Tomorrow my fishes and I will be not here anymore.........................

 ...the morning after...

 Yeah, yeah, I know! We're still alive indeed... I can't afford to kill my beloved fishes! I just have to face living in this disgusting world.

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Labor and Humans

by Webbielady on 8 Feb 2012

Dizzying...
Fingers aching...
Triceps sufferring...
Lower back burning...

Yes, people in the office
Sticking to their sitting places!
Why don't you move?
So blood circulation will improve?

Yes, labor is painful
But when money's plentiful
Humans are contended
Surely it's not greed!

Principle o feconomics
Humans are insatiable
So what can we do?
Nothing! Life's so!

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Friday and Summer Evening

cloudy summer sunset7 p.m. Happy to end my week. It's the end of the month and it's a routine to process something important before going home. Today's one of these few days. Left by colleagues alone in the building, I feel my own footsteps. I walk fast to the parking area. Most cars are gone. I can count the remaining ones. I proceed to the bike shed. My bike's one of the very few left. I unlock my bike. I mount it. I open the shed door with my chipped-badge. I cycle homeward.



The street's empty. The sound of the wind is strong. The shower was so thin I can barely feel with the wind. The Vliet canal's quiet, no boat, no kayak girls and guys, no one. The team of fun-fishers camping along the canal during the entire week's gone too. No one, stillness, only nature and me and my bike.

The sky's darkening, I speed up to avoid stronger rain. Another street. The cars line the side of the street, everyone's home? Or everyone's away leaving the cars? No food smellfromhouses, no TV flashing views from the windows. No life. Still the wind blows. Warm from biking, cold from the wind. Mixed emotions.

The street's almost done. I have to cross and take another smaller street. Oh! Two souls! A father and a son on their respective bikes. Kiddie's too small. I think he's two. Dad's happy giving directions. They both have red sweaters. I bike past them. I have to cross the Sir Winston Churcillaan. Still quiet, a few cars while I cross. Calm. No heavy traffic. I am near home, still no one around biking. I could smell my dinner. Feeling warm. Feeling not alone. I arrive at my bike shed. I keep my bike, I run upstairs. Someone's there. Amore.


No more alone, no more mixed feelings. Only warmth and love. Summer in Rijswijk Netherlands, Friday evening.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Pain... at 17:05 26/07/11

Pain

Some hate it
some love it
some avoid it
some embrace it

Is it essential?
Is it immaterial?
Is it lethal?
But is it mortal!

Pain...
Pain..
It's nothing
But humane!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The First Snowflake By Webbielady

It’s third week of November. We were trying to hold it together up there. It’s not our time yet. We needed to hold onto each other, trying not to fall down, not to precipitate. We held each other strongly yet our force was futile: we had to fall; we could not stay within the atmosphere any longer. We, as crystalline water ice, had no better choice but to turn from clouds to snowflakes, as the humans call it.

We were told from the very beginning that we have a cycle. We cannot stay in one stage of our life for a long time. Just like today, after a few days of staying as clouds, we have to turn into rain or snow. And here I am, one of the many billions snowflakes drifting down… down…down… and now I landed as a beautiful snowflake, fresh and pure. I landed on a leaf.

Very near where I landed is a lady enjoying the snowfall. She hums as she tries to catch some of us still falling down immensely. She did so for about 10 minutes happily but as time goes by, she eventually got bored and started to feel cold.

“What on earth I forgot those keys for! I hope mom doesn’t get caught in traffic thatlong…. Brrrrr….brrrr…”

Now I knowwhy. She is waiting in the doorway for her mother to arrive home. Anotherquarter an hour passed and her phone rang.
“Where?...What?!... Still in Utrecht? But that’s another at least 30minutes mom. To who? To Helma’s? No..no.. I cannot, I am soaked… I better waityou here… An hour? Why?... Please mom, I’ll just wait you here….brrrr…. takecare, Mom. Love yah!”

Now Istarted to pity her. An hour in cold is a challenge. I feel a bit guilty fornot holding strong enough up there. Now we cause trouble down here, we are muchunexpected as it’s only November! It’s our fault! We were not strong enough toresist falling down.

-Hi Jes! Why are you here in this weather? Youlook cold too!
=Yeah, I’m waiting for Mom. I left my keysinside.
-Oh, that doesn’t sound fun. Mind to come inwith me to have some hot chocolate, tea or coffee?
= No, never mind. Mom will be here in fewminutes. Thanks anyway, Rob.
-A’ight. I’ll wait with you here. It’s a fewminutes as you said anyway.
=No, no! Are you crazy? It’s cold here.
-No, don’t worry. Let’s just chit-chat tillyour mom arrives.
=It’s not really necessary, jot get in. Momwill be here very soon.

-I’ll get inside if you come with me. So, untilyou change your mind, I am stuck here with you.
I am amazedby Rob’s insistence. For another 20 minutes Jessica and Rob talked aboutschool, work, life and everything. I was a happy witness on the leaf abouttheir conversation. They laugh and talk and she almost forgot she’s half-soaked.

Theconversation continued, a dinner date for the Friday evening has been set, atennis match has been set, a Calculus tutorial on Sunday has been fixed and alot of other plans have been discussed. Yet, Jessica’s mother has still notarrived. I assume another 30 minutes. Another phonecall…

Yes Mom. You’re near?... Huh? … Arnhem? Why? Oh,no…. I’mokay Mom, Rob’s here inviting me inside his house but I told him you’re near….Another 30 minutes? That heavy and slow?... Okay…okay… take care, Mom. Bye.
-So?
=Okay, in we go.
-That’s it. I’m starting to freeze here too.Let’s go!

That’s it.I am not sure if I am still here to witness the tennis match and when they goout for dinner. It’s only Monday. I hope not to melt until weekend to witnessmore but my life in each stage is short. I will be in the atmosphere againsoon, during my condensation cycle. It is not a boring and disappointingprecipitation after all. I have a story to tell when I condense back to theatmosphere. I will surely tell the lovely story of Rob and Jessica. I bet theirstory is only starting.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Chapter II. I Am The Messenger: That Last Day

original blog short story seriesIt was a beautiful weekend. Sunny as always in the city where my parents and I lived. Being a lazy kid at school where all my needs was provided easily by my ever understanding and generous dad. School was not a problem either: my dad has connections and I was always failing in all the tests. Why should I care? I would surely pass and make it to the next school grade anyway. Yes, just like the year before and the year before that.

To inspire my little lazy dumb brain,and bad attitude too, dad and mom wanted to give me some special weekend treat. I chose to go out and do shopping with them, have them buy all I wanted. We have loaded everything into our car and decided also to head to the nearby restaurant for dinner that Saturday evening.

After dinner, I knew my parents were tired but I was always the deciding factor and after all I knew it was I they wanted to please so that I would study at least a bit. I was thinking back then, "Oh f_ _ k that s_ _ t! Why should I?"

Being a typical me, and to partially punish my parents for not leaving my ass alone, I opted to watch the last show in the cinema with them. I can't even remember what that stupid film was! It ends around 9:30 PM and it was so much stretched day for mom and dad. And I did not care, I was actually enjoying seeing their exhaustion.

It was already late when we finished the film or when we decided to get back home. It was just before ten o'clock at night.We were in the parking of the cinema building and I was still sulking because of my parents who forced responsibilities on me. At least the way I thinkof it that time. I really hated that.

As I was sulking, it was when my dad was about to open the car doors when two masked individuals shot him thrice: head, head and left chest. They did the same to my mom. I wondered why they did not shoot me too. They searched for dad's wallet, took all the things they could put their hands intofrom the car and they also took my mom's shoulder bag. They took all the jewelries and watches my parents were having on that day.

I was immobile leaning hugging one of the nearby posts as I saw my parents shot to death. I was in that position until the police and ambulance arrived. That was when my lazy and comfortable and wealthy life was ended...

To be continued

Chapter I. I am the Messenger

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Chapter I. I Am The Messenger

the messenger short storyNo regrets. I am as I am. I am the messenger. Anyone who wants his message delivered, I am glad to offer the service. My service costs a lot of money. How much? One attache case of bundled cash is the minimum. And my services cost blood and breath. "I'll take your breath away." This is always my first message to my recipients. Then, I deliver the final message..."the message of the messenger".

Most of the time, my recipients would laugh at my very face. The usual reaction is to take my first message as a joke. But once they hear the final message, they try to panic. Yet, the confusion stays in their expression. I know what they are thinking... that I am incapable... yes, incapable of ending their lives. I don't want to make people suffer from confused mind, thus, I always shoot them between the eyes to make them not to get confused further or to be confused longer than 30 seconds.

It's been 15 years of service. Yes, 15 years as a messenger. When I was 12, I started this profession. It was harsher for me back then, but I learned my lessons and lasted to this very day. I am not aware how many breaths I ended, or how many gallons of blood I allowed my recipients to waste for all these years. I have no idea. I cannot even count. But I am sure I am okay with all those cash I received from those who availed my services. I got a few sacks of them at my place.

... to becontinued...

I am the Messenger Chapter II. That Last Day

Friday, October 01, 2010

At the Same Place by Webbielady

"Where are you going to have lunch?"
"The same place."
That's noontime.

"Where are you going to have dinner?"
"The same place."
That's evening.

It is more than three years already that I blurt the same answer out every time someone asks me about my eating place. It is always at "the same place".

I am Antonio and I am in my late thirties. I am a municipal employee in my home town. I live a regular life but there is always a strong taste of bitterness in it. That is why I always, and yes, literally "always", eat at the same place to at least remember that once, life had something sweet in it too.

I have very vivid and sweet memories at this place I refer to as "the same place". It is a restaurant where I always go to eat and I always want to remember those good old memories and keep them alive inside of me. These memories are what make me keep going in my day-to-day sorrowful existence.

In the past years my lovely wife, Heda, would always ask me if we could meet at lunchtime at this restaurant. During Saturdays, we also made it a point to have a delicious dinner at this place as we look at the reddish-orange setting sun across the horizon and hear the hit of the waves against a big rock along the sea's shoreline just a few meters away from where we were seated. This local and old bamboo-made, palm-roofed restaurant can only cater a maximum of 40 diners in their 10 regular-sized four-seater tables. Its local ambiance and local taste really suited our preferences and it made us feel at peace and with nature and it seemed that it helped us get more and more deeply inlove with each other..

During the last months of my wife's life, we were struggling to stay happy. The fact that her days were counted due to her having a brain tumor did not stop us from enjoying life. It was sad everytime we realize that soon I would be left out alone in this world but that was the best we could do: be together and be happy together while we still could. In fact, she made me promise her that I would continue to enjoy life after she's gone and even repeated a thousand times that I should look for someone to replace her place as my love as soon as I could so that I would not feel so much pain of losing her.

At this restaurant, during the few days of her life, we spent many moments reminiscing the good old days. We talked and talked about the beautiful past, how we met at this place, how we dined here for so many times, how we shared our dreams while we were still dating and how we continued and have our love survive until the end. It could be badly sad at times but it is a public place with lovely surroundings that the deep sadness that always brush my heart can be controlled easily. I know for sure this would not be the case if we were inside our home and alone. This place has witnessed my happy days, how I discovered my love and nurtured it. It also a witness to my sorrowful days, how I hold on to happiness despite it slipping uncontrollably our of my grip... it is a witness to my lost love... my lost life. It is a witness to my struggling survival and my longing for my lost beloved Heda.

Now, my wife has passed away and it's more than three years already and yet, I am still stuck to this place. Who can blame me? I remember, when people asked me where I would have my lunch, I would reply with a happy voice and wide smile: "At the restaurant, with my Love." That reply was valid at least four years ago.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Dutch Integration Examination Experience

dutch integration examination experience,inburgeringsexamen experienceof ervaringIk ben al wel ingeburgerd, geloof ik! My first examination was at 13:30. The formal invitation to take such examination instructs me to be there at 13:00 for verification of identity so I was there at 13:00. There were already around 7 people in the “wachtkamer” (waiting room) when I came in. I thought they were all there for the examinations but that’s not true, I realized later. Conscious that I might have been late already, I asked the lady beside me,” Bent u hier voor de examen?Affirmative. I felt a little bit okay. I left my mobile phone at home as per instructions, it’s not allowed to have one during the examination. I don’t wear a watch so I did not have any clue what time it was but per estimate it was 13:00 when I reached the place. It just feel different when you see really the time… To see is to believe…and that is very true!

Upon entrance, there were instructions for everyone such as what you do if you are there and your purpose is to take a diploma, or what one needs to do if s(he) is there to take the examination. I read carefully. For examinees, we were instructed to just sit and wait. For diploma claimers, they have to pick a number.

I sat. I waited. Some were bragging about passing the exams while some were just conversing along with each other. Approximately 10 minutes later, some names were called to take the Toets Gesproken Nederlands (TGN) or Test of Spoken Dutch.. I asked the person why my name was not called. He told that that was the schedule for those who have 13:00 invitation. I felt relieved that I was so sure that I arrived on time.

A couple of minutes later, a lady came and called my name. I had to present my invitation letter and my valid identification card(in Netherlands this can only be passport, driving license or identity card). I did. I waited again. We were quiet now as 4 people among those who were previously waiting were already taking examinations. Waiting still…

Another person entered taking a number. His turn was called right away…Lucky huh! A personnel came to check if someone is to take a diploma…3 people responded yes… and he asked, do you have numbers? None had! Ooohh ohh! So who goes first? It’s kind of absurd as those 3 were there to take their diplomas for passing the exams and yet, they don’t have any clue what to do to take that diploma? Hmmm…. diplomas forfeited! ?!?!

As I mentioned here, I had 3 part in that examination day. I was finally called to take the first part, which was about spoken Dutch. After that, I had to wait again for the second part. While waiting, more diploma claimers came. This time, some people advice them to take numbers to identify who came first. Then a whole family came, the lady to take her diploma, accompanied by her husband and two sons. When the personnel of the place asked for those who need to get their diplomas, the lady stood…and the whole family followed! There was another lady who’s exactly entering the room when this was happening and she though everyone can just and get their diplomas…To make the story short, 5 people rushed for the diploma when it’s suppose to have that lady only to go with the personnel. That was quite amusing from my side who sees the story unfold before my very eyes and to understand exactly what’s going on.

I finished my exams 30 minutes before the time as I really had headache and ear pain caused by too much listening to the examination speaker/voice in that headset… I am not also sure of the results yet, but within 4 weeks I will know. I will edit this post to indicate if pass or fail but what I am sure of is, I did have fun that day! I believe I am already integrated.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

True Lovers' Conversation

“Do you love me?” He asked.

“Sure, I do love you, and forever.” She answers.

“If I die, will you love another?”

“Surely I will!”

“Why do you answer so?”

“Because I don’t want you to die. Think about my answer if you do. Ti amo!”

Monday, September 21, 2009

Tzabilita's Frustrations

Who can blame me? From childhood, as far as I can remember, I was deeply in-love. Yes, deeply in-love with food. I love to eat. I love to munch! I love to have always something wet and filling my mouth. Who’s to blame? I am sure I am not the only one at fault here. I mean, I could’ve controlled my appetite only if those television commercials were not so convincing….or if my parents warned me that being fat is not a beautiful thing, especially when I’d grow into adult… or if the friends I grew with were not fat. Yes, I was also with fat friends all the while so it was very normal to have extra bulges around from when I was a child.

At 38 years old, I can say that I have never lost any weight. I was always I constant increase until now that I am at least 130 kilograms! It’s so difficult. It is such a big burden to flex and sweat. Only to think about it, I feel tired even before I could start!

Is it wrong to be fat? Maybe yes, or maybe not. Yes, it is wrong as I am already nearing 40 and still single, available and never been kissed, never been touched. But on the other hand, it signifies freedom as I am alone and I can go anywhere I want without having to consider anything. But you know what? This freedom is so painful! If you can only imagine what I feel in the middle of the night…. The loneliness… the emptiness.. How I wish I was never this fat.

I still don’t consider it my fault though. Since I was a child, my parents had already emphasized the importance of food, the beauty and pleasure of eating and all of us, my two brothers and I, we all grew fat. “Fat kids from fat parents”, that’s what our neighbors used to tell us when we were only little ones. We did not understand by then that it was already half insult.

When I started working, I tried hard to lost this weight that’s with me ever since but it was so difficult. It is sad to be fat and I regret or hate so many things that are connected to my being fat:
1. My parents: how could they permit being so fat and passing those flabby figures to all us, their children?
2. Myself: I could have been more disciplined when I was a child and tried to limit my food intake to not grow as fat as I am at the moment.
3. My two brothers: If they were good enough in losing weight, we could’ve helped each other in losing weight.
4. My friends: If they’re not as fat as me, they could have motivated me;
5. The food industry: they always convince me to try their new products;
6. The world: They look negatively at fat people!
The whole human race is brain-washed on how to treat their fellow human beings. Why should they look so bad at fat people? This I don’t really understand. But someday, I will have my vengeance against the whole world for being so cruel to us fatter people! Watch out, mean world of slims and thins! I’ll show you!